Time to go bash my way through 100′s of other customers, sample a couple of weird wines in small medicine cups that “are a steal at today’s price”, and stock up on a couple of cases of day wines – especially time to start thinking whites as it might actually hit 60 within the next month.

Lipstick on a wineglass? You give me a “clean” glass and it has someone else’s dark red smooch prints on it! Wake up please…I’m not even wearing gloss!

How about a quick look &/or wipe before even sticking the glass on the rack after pulling it out of the dirty bath water you call a washer(not going into this topic today)?

So I finally get you to take it back, but know that you just dumped my wine into a different glass versus throwing it out and starting fresh (hello, I’m sitting with a clear view of the bar). Next time I’ll show up with that special sticky rouge (bubble gum flavor) all over my lips – maybe it’ll accentuate my moustache!

In my first two columns all I have done is disparage restaurants by ranting about their misguided attempts to separate us consumers from our dwindling cash reserves and have completely ignored our other friends – the liquor store and wine shops. So, to respect and restore the lost concept of balanced journalism…

Like the rabbits that eat off the budding flowers or a bad penny, no, make that a nickel, they come back every Spring. The sales designed to move old slow wines, pump up cash flow during traditionally slow times, and generally con the public into thinking they just gotta grab as much Chateau le Corked for $19.95 that they can because it is a great deal. Hmm, three weeks ago I was buying le Corked for $19.99, but it is now in the multi-page, photo filled (vacation photos in front of their barrel!), color flyer so it must be a SALE!!!

Now I’m sure that each of you is a careful shopper and you know exactly what you like, what you are willing to try (might be a bit early to stock up on cases of that Croatian wine), and are disciplined enough to buy the right wines at the right prices. So why have I been avoiding every single sale? First, the mob mentality of my fellow consumer drives me crazy. Free samples and sale prices that are only a few cents up to a dollar or two less than regular retail are not worth the insanity of some shlub trying to maneuver their overflowing cart full of cases of White Zin in front of the tasting rep and asking for something on the sweet side they can serve with asparagus.

The economy is down, people are under employed, and the sales volumes are down. So I go to the store during off hours to avoid the crowds, but the unemployed ones are still wandering around (usually by the beer and booze – yes, I don’t live off wine only so I have to battle them there too). Under whelmed, I wander the aisles looking for something – anything – that looks interesting or that I’ve had and liked and might be on sale. Talk about a quest for the Holy Grail. It sure is easy to carry my one or two bottles of non-sale interesting wines out to my car.

Time to wake up retailers! It isn’t the economy. Employment is still running over 90% (do the math: unemployment was at ~8.5% when this article was written) and the good, unique restaurants are still packed. Prohibition hasn’t returned and we are still drinking as much, or more, wine as we always have. So the cause of your lower sales (and I’m going to love saying this) is you!

Your store is not your personal reading/TV room, living room, coffee shop, or even the place for your dogs (unless they are trained service dogs of course). Your store should be a Mecca of thoughtfully selected, fairly priced wines. Your staff should know more than “this one is red and dry, I think” and should be able to guide us to something reasonably close to what we are interested in. It doesn’t matter if you stock by region, varietal or style; just have an appropriate selection that is as varied as our tastes and desires. We are even willing to drive a bit extra and pay a bit more for this knowledge, experience, and wine. It is called loyalty. You might even still have a few of those loyal customers around if you haven’t chased them away yet. The Spring (and soon to come Fall) sale should be your way of rewarding this loyalty and not just about getting enough cash in the bank to pay your past due taxes.