The Best and Unusual Wines for Christmas and Other Holidays
Holidays can be stressful. Selecting wines that your guests will enjoy only adds to the stress. These five wines will be surefire hits at your next gathering and you will wish you had stocked up!
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/2286015/the_best_and_unusual_wines_for_christmas.html

When is a Special not a Special?

First the good news, restaurants are busy. Stopped into a downtown location last night and every seat was filled. Maybe that stimulus thing is actually working – or people are spending the last of their unemployment check.
Now the bad news, every seat was filled. You see, this state of euphoria means that restaurants don’t need to provide good (or even fair) service when they are packing people in.
A few months ago some magazine hit on the idea to have a special food and wine pairing at many restaurants throughout the area. This was probably designed to draw in people…perhaps even people who have never been there before. Great idea but poor execution.
I went in specifically because of the “deal” and no, I don’t remember what it was, but figured my waitress would have the info. Silly me, just because they have the special doesn’t mean they know about it, of even remember what it is…
I wonder how many “specials” they actually sold?

Lipstick on a…

Yeah, yeah…so this is an old and lame political joke/comment, but really…

Lipstick on a wineglass? You give me a “clean” glass and it has someone else’s dark red smooch prints on it! Wake up please…I’m not even wearing gloss!

How about a quick look &/or wipe before even sticking the glass on the rack after pulling it out of the dirty bath water you call a washer(not going into this topic today)?

So I finally get you to take it back, but know that you just dumped my wine into a different glass versus throwing it out and starting fresh (hello, I’m sitting with a clear view of the bar). Next time I’ll show up with that special sticky rouge (bubble gum flavor) all over my lips – maybe it’ll accentuate my moustache!

Deal – No Deal!

Sorry Howie…
Just returned from a nice outdoor happy hour. They advertised a $3/glass wine special.
Next time I’ll know better…just say no.
The most watered down, thin, excuse for a glass of red. Eak, I’d rather pay $8 a glass for something fair (which I did after trying this $3 deal).
I wonder if they even had to pay $3 a bottle to the distributor. The waitress let me know that they sell “cases” of this stuff during the promo. And that makes it good?

Tis The Season – Part 2

5 Things to watch for during a “wine sale”
1. If the wine is older than you and you’ve never heard of it, be afraid (very afraid)
2. Samples from a plastic shot glass do not taste the same as your REAL glass no matter what the salesrep tells you
3. Just because it is on sale, doesn’t make it a good value
4. Traveling 20 miles in your gas hog SUV to save $1 on a bottle does not make economic sense
5. The new guy in the store helping you is really helping himself (he’s the distributor pushing HIS wines over what YOU really need)

Tis The Season

I’ve been unfair.

In my first two columns all I have done is disparage restaurants by ranting about their misguided attempts to separate us consumers from our dwindling cash reserves and have completely ignored our other friends – the liquor store and wine shops. So, to respect and restore the lost concept of balanced journalism…

Like the rabbits that eat off the budding flowers or a bad penny, no, make that a nickel, they come back every Spring. The sales designed to move old slow wines, pump up cash flow during traditionally slow times, and generally con the public into thinking they just gotta grab as much Chateau le Corked for $19.95 that they can because it is a great deal. Hmm, three weeks ago I was buying le Corked for $19.99, but it is now in the multi-page, photo filled (vacation photos in front of their barrel!), color flyer so it must be a SALE!!!

Now I’m sure that each of you is a careful shopper and you know exactly what you like, what you are willing to try (might be a bit early to stock up on cases of that Croatian wine), and are disciplined enough to buy the right wines at the right prices. So why have I been avoiding every single sale? First, the mob mentality of my fellow consumer drives me crazy. Free samples and sale prices that are only a few cents up to a dollar or two less than regular retail are not worth the insanity of some shlub trying to maneuver their overflowing cart full of cases of White Zin in front of the tasting rep and asking for something on the sweet side they can serve with asparagus.

The economy is down, people are under employed, and the sales volumes are down. So I go to the store during off hours to avoid the crowds, but the unemployed ones are still wandering around (usually by the beer and booze – yes, I don’t live off wine only so I have to battle them there too). Under whelmed, I wander the aisles looking for something – anything – that looks interesting or that I’ve had and liked and might be on sale. Talk about a quest for the Holy Grail. It sure is easy to carry my one or two bottles of non-sale interesting wines out to my car.

Time to wake up retailers! It isn’t the economy. Employment is still running over 90% (do the math: unemployment was at ~8.5% when this article was written) and the good, unique restaurants are still packed. Prohibition hasn’t returned and we are still drinking as much, or more, wine as we always have. So the cause of your lower sales (and I’m going to love saying this) is you!

Your store is not your personal reading/TV room, living room, coffee shop, or even the place for your dogs (unless they are trained service dogs of course). Your store should be a Mecca of thoughtfully selected, fairly priced wines. Your staff should know more than “this one is red and dry, I think” and should be able to guide us to something reasonably close to what we are interested in. It doesn’t matter if you stock by region, varietal or style; just have an appropriate selection that is as varied as our tastes and desires. We are even willing to drive a bit extra and pay a bit more for this knowledge, experience, and wine. It is called loyalty. You might even still have a few of those loyal customers around if you haven’t chased them away yet. The Spring (and soon to come Fall) sale should be your way of rewarding this loyalty and not just about getting enough cash in the bank to pay your past due taxes.

Service – Please!

Note: This article originally appeared in Midwest Wine Connection.

“Am I f’n invisible?” Have I discovered Harry Potter’s cloak and it is disguised as my leather jacket? It sure seems that way; especially since this damn bartender continues to walk right past me at the bar and his eyes never make contact, even though it feels as if he stared right through me. Even the $20 bill in my hand must be camouflaged. Maybe the two other people at the end of the bar are keeping him busy, because I’m the only other one here and there aren’t any waitress tickets he’s working. Shout out to that Red Stag barkeep on a cold Sunday in February: “You independently wealthy? I would have given you a nice tip if I had gotten a drink. Too much to ask you to do your job?” Jerk. And yes, like I suggested we all do last month, I walked. Walked straight out the door and into an old bowling alley where the bartender couldn’t make a proper Black and Tan, but tried his best with Guinness and Summit. He even gave a guarantee that if I didn’t like the first one he wouldn’t charge for it. Guess the rest? Kept him business trying to kill two kegs simultaneously that afternoon; and he pocketed most of that original twenty, and another one, in tips.

Now I’m not just picking on Red Stag. The quality of service at most restaurants and liquor stores has been going downhill for the past few years. I’m not talking slowly either. It has been more like a quick, steep dive from fair to absolutely pathetic, faster than Lindsey Vonn bombing the slalom course with a champagne bottle in each hand. Walk into any liquor store that has more than 3 employees on duty and ask them a question like “I had a great oaky Chardonnay by Chateau le Corked the other night, got any?” (ed. note: see Feb. 2009 article). Do they just say aisle seven and turn back to their restocking of Wild Turkey or do they actually get off their butt and bring you to the wine and ask “how many bottles would you like? I’ll carry them to the front for you”. It’s okay, I’ll pause now until you finish laughing at the thought that Mega G. Mart would actually help you.

Now to be fair, there are plenty of places that still provide the level of service I have become accustomed to as a customer. Can’t think of one right now, but I’m sure there are still a few around the Twin Cities. I know that when I’m at home I still serve a quality wine – usually not on anyone’s list because it is mail order or unique – in a quality and correct stem (don’t get me started here). Heck, I even pour a small sample to make sure it isn’t flawed before filling the glasses of my guests…oh yeah, that reminds me…

The publisher of this rag likes to do his annual Anti Cupid issue every February. I noticed he has gone soft though. The way I see it, the anti cupids are those waiters and waitresses who are ticked that they couldn’t find anything better to do than work on Valentine’s Day. If it isn’t my fault that you have to work, couldn’t find a date, or whatever; why are you taking it out on me? Remember, I am the customer and I vote with my cash. I’m not picky, fair service would be better than none!

I have NEVER understood this concept: Buy a bottle of wine and the server will open it for you and pour a small taste to ensure the bottle isn’t corked; but buy a glass and if you are lucky, they will need to open a fresh bottle for you. Regardless, they will fill your glass to the rim. What, bottles used for the by the glass (that’s BTG in industry terms) list are never corked? How about the same courtesy? I’ve never understood why it is considered good form to pour a bad wine from the BTG list and have it delivered to the customer, but it is de rigueur when purchasing the over priced bottle to allow the guest to sample it.

You’ve probably guessed by now that on that magical day of February 14th, when all the world’s male lovers are out spending their hard earned cash on trying to impress their lady friends in hopes of getting lucky, I had one of the lowest, most disappointing, service experiences of my life. I would have been better off sneaking a Cheval Blanc into White Castle that evening and drinking mixed with ice. Even though I’m married, I still like to impress my lady, and so I brought a special bottle to our dinner that evening after checking to make sure the corkage was reasonable and they would be fine with my bottle. As it was a special night, with a special menu (mostly same old wines though!), we ordered a couple of glasses first, and here’s where the red lights and sirens started going off.

I’ve never been accused of being reasonable, but I am forgiving if someone doesn’t know something about every wine on their list and admits it. My problem is when you try to baffle me with BS like I’m a dolt. Remember, I brought a bottle of wine that you, and most of your peers, have never seen before. I know that the white from Spain I’m asking about isn’t like a buttery California Chardonnay. I just want a hint of what it might be like. I’m adventurous, so figured I’d order it anyway and bought the lady a nice Macon Villages that I figured she’d like. Bonus – we both get the first glass from fresh bottles! I hate those freshness stoppers, especially in a restaurant that should be turning over BTG offerings nightly. Nice big pours, but you know what he forgot, right? Gone in 60 seconds – and before we even had a chance to do some sappy toast. Mine was different, good acidity with notes similar to an Albarino, nice and should pair well with the first course. Hers corked! Waiter? Waiter? Hello? Are we invisible again?

When he finally returned and we mentioned the corked wine he grabbed her glass and departed without a word. We assumed he was bringing a replacement and hoped he knew enough to pour it from a different bottle. Eventually he returned with a fresh bottle, poured and was again away faster than we could grab the glass. We should have known right then that we were in the clutches of a frustrated, dateless, waiter who was going to take his wrath out on his customers. Great food, great wine (theirs and mine), but when you have a waiter who said a total, yes TOTAL, of about 15 words throughout the 2+ hours we were at his table and I’m ready to hit the roof.

That has reminded me. After that disaster I knew I needed to redeem myself so we went to Prohibition. Stepping off the elevator, before even getting our bearings, the bartender is looking past the barstool crowd and asking what we’d like. Immediate, courteous, and genuine good service. Maybe there is still hope for the Twin Cities.

The Clone Wars

“Cool! The same old crap is on this wine list too.” If I collected a nickel for every time I uttered these words, Motor City could ask me for their bailout money and I’d still have change left over. Don’t play dumb with me: you know exactly what I am talking about. Take one lazy wine buyer and pair them up with a wet-behind-the-ears sales rep who has been given a quota to sell a million cases of Chateau le Corked to every restaurant in town. Top it off with the preprinted wine list carrying descriptions that resemble nothing you will taste in the glass. It’s like a B-grade horror movie. Oops, forgot to mention that those million cases are from some long forgotten vintage that was too hot, too dry, and too ugly to sell at a reasonable cost so quick get your volume discount today!

Don’t get me wrong, Applebee’s has a standard corporate list and I understand why. The menu is the same, the food is the same and even the décor is the same whether you are in Minneapolis, St. Paul, or even Duluth. But, there is no excuse for the neighborhood restaurant – some of whom even dare call themselves Originals. If you have a passion to create a great food concept and plenty of cash to burn from salivating investors who just gotta have your $25+ a plate entrée, more power to you. So why not carry this thinking through to the drinks you serve, especially wine, which can actually complement that signature dish? Shocking!

Now don’t get your undies in a bunch. I know that the uninformed majority need to have their creature comforts like White Zin or that over oaked mega-winery Chardonnay because they just can’t risk trying something new, but consider this: 1) they probably aren’t going to be your regular customer because you don’t serve Applebee’s riblets, and 2) 80% of a good restaurant’s wine profits will come from the 20% of us who want – no need – something daring, something adventurous, something new or heaven forbid, something unique. We can accept that it might be different from every other wine we’ve swilled because that is what we want! We are also the same people who “get” your funky entrées and WILL pay to come back. Don’t know about the 80/20 rule? Google it, I’m not here to educate you on that too.

As my techie friends say “/Rant Off”. There are plenty of people out there who actually take the time to taste, learn, and explore wine; and some of them even work in restaurants. Seek them out and thank them with your business! Although wine sales continue to grow and surpass beer, I’m seeing more beer joints understanding and embracing this uniqueness than wine bars or restaurants who understand the concept. Take a look around at all these by-the-glass craft beers on tap now. Even the upscale restaurants that have decided to buck the trend are serving new beers. Notice that they don’t all serve the same three beers? (yes, they still need to serve the white zin of beer for “those” people). And the prices actually encourage you to purchase a second glass! Samples are even pushed because they know a happy educated customer is a repeat customer and the tips won’t be bad either.

Change is coming and I challenge you to join the fight. When confronted with the same old cloned wine list, rebel. We vote with our dollars and it is clear we like selection and diversity or our liquor stores would also only stock the same dozen wines the wine lists carry. Order water, bring your own, demand better!

Welcome!

Reader Warning: The following blog may cause the reader to become agitated, angry, upset, confused, alarmed or even amused. Good. That is my intention. In each issue the author, who shall remain anonymous throughout these musings, will be reflecting on the absurdities of life. Life as it pertains to wine and all things related as I see them from my barstool looking through the bottom of my empty glass when the lights come up at closing time. Agree or disagree – I don’t care. As an old English professor once told me when I wasn’t happy with him, “Hard Cheese”. Nope, I never understood it either. On with the blog…you’ve been sufficiently prepared.